Confess. Depend. Surrender.
Hebrews 12:7-8
"It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons."
Discipline isn’t random punishment or divine anger—it’s familial love in action. God treats us as legitimate sons and daughters. Not as bastards. That’s the dignity and security of our adoption.
But what if you're just getting-by with your sin?
What if you're continuing in your disobedience? You know what it is. You've been hiding it for a long time. And you've been getting-by in it. What if you're continuing in it and not being convicted for it or caught?
Can you say then that you're a true (legitimate) child of God?
Verse 8 lands hard.
"But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons."
Keep in mind, "all have become partakers". There's no child of God who has not wrestled with this.
Discipline is the normal experience of every legitimate child. No exceptions. So when someone claims to be a son or daughter yet sails through life with no conviction, no wrestling, no corrective hand from the Father. That ongoing, unrepentant sin without discipline is a serious warning sign that one may not be in the family at all.
True holiness is a thing of the heart. It cannot be manipulated by dressing the part. It cannot be manufactured by busywork. It cannot be produced by others prayers. True holiness is a condition of the heart. External religion can mimic the look of godliness, but it has no power to change the inside (2 Timothy 3:5).
You can wear the right clothes, speak the right language, show up in the right places, even serve in ministry, and still have a heart that loves sin in secret. The Pharisees were experts at this (Matthew 23:25-28). Jesus called them whitewashed tombs; clean on the outside, full of death inside.
It's like that line from the song "Nowadays" in Chicago that truly captures the spirit of the age so well.
"You can like the life you’re living…You can live the life you like…"
It’s the ultimate self-justifying anthem. Dress it up, talk the talk, keep the outward show going, and convince yourself (and others) that it’s all fine. No need for a heart-level change. No wrestling. No discipline. Just "live your truth" and enjoy the razzle-dazzle.
But Hebrews 12:8 exposes the lie. If there is no fatherly discipline, no conviction that disturbs the comfortable life of hidden sin, then the claim to sonship is hollow. You can like the life you’re living and live the life you like, but you may not belong to the Father at all.
The legitimate sons (and daughters) of God receive discipline precisely because the Father knows them and is conforming them to the image of His Son (Romans 8:29).
So if you've ever heard the gospel reading from Matthew 7:21-23, and wondered who Jesus was talking about when he said:
"Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven..."
And you thought, "maybe that's me?"
Probably not. Likely not because your heart is convicted.
Your response to that conviction is a different matter.
If you fail to obey the correction perfectly, does that mean you're the one Matthew 7:21-23 is exposing?
The "Lord, Lord" crowd wasn’t just struggling with sin like every honest believer does. And that’s a crucial and freeing distinction. The "Lord, Lord" crowd in Matthew 7 had no real conviction that led to their repentance. Their religion was performative. They were proud and even arrogant. They operated in lawlessness while maintaining a bold profession, with no evidence of the Father’s disciplining hand shaping their hearts. They were comfortable in it. They even went so far as to use their self-righteousness to excuse their actions against those they deemed to be unworthy. They were hypocrites.
They had no brokenness. No ongoing conviction that led to genuine repentance. No sense that they needed the Father’s training hand. They were "getting by" quite nicely in their own eyes.
Meanwhile, The legitimate child feels the discipline and is troubled by it. The legitimate child grieves sin (even repeated failures) and returns to the Father.
But doesn't there seem to be a fine line between feeling grieved about ongoing sin and simply repeating the sin?
It feels razor-thin at times, especially when the same sin keeps surfacing.
So what is the difference between "struggle" and "settlement"?
The key markers are not instant perfection or zero repetition. Is the overall pattern one of resistance, hatred of the sin, and movement (however slow) toward holiness? Or is it a settled, comfortable cycle with little real fight? Is it the sorrow of the flesh ("I feel bad because of consequences or guilt" ) or godly sorrow that leads to repentance and change?
What Is Godly Sorrow?
Godly sorrow hates the sin itself because it offends the Father and damages the relationship. It's recognizing the disrespect it brings into that relationship. And the habit of returning reveals the disrespect.
From 2 Corinthians 7:10
"For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death."
Godly sorrow is grief over sin that is God-centered, not self-centered. It sees the sin as an offense against the Father; a betrayal of love, a disrespect to His holiness and the relationship He purchased with the blood of His Son. It recognizes the damage. The distance it creates. And the hindrance to fellowship and true fruitfulness it feeds.
In the true child of God, this kind of sorrow doesn’t lead to despair or hiding. It leads to returning; confession, renewed dependence, and a fresh surrender. It agrees with God about the sin and wants the relationship restored more than it wants the sin excused. It may be painful for a season, but it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.
Godly sorrow breaks the power of sin patterns over time because the heart is reoriented around the Father’s glory and love.
So what's a body to do?
Simply put:
Confess.
Depend.
Surrender.
Bring the sin fully into the light before the Father. Name it. Agree with Him about it. No excuses, no minimizing. Stop trying to white-knuckle victory in your own strength. Lean hard into the Holy Spirit who lives in you. Yield your will to His. Say again, "Not my way, but Yours. I no longer want to be me in this area."
Lay the sin on the altar and walk away from it in faith, even if the feelings lag behind. This is where the discipline does its deepest work; training us in obedience. Repeat as often as needed. This is the daily rhythm of the legitimate child under the Father’s loving hand.
The Father is patient with His children as they learn this rhythm. Keep practicing it. He is faithful. 🕊️