Love That Breaks the Cycle: Living as Christ’s Disciple Through Forgiveness and Humility
John 13:34-35
"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."
Jesus emphasizes that this love should mirror the way He has loved them, which is sacrificial, selfless, and unconditional. This distinctive love serves as a visible sign to the world of their commitment to Christ and their identity as His followers. Sacrificial love, as exemplified in John 13:34-35 and throughout Jesus’ teachings and life, is a selfless, unconditional love that prioritizes the well-being of others above one’s own interests, often at great personal cost. It involves giving up something valuable, time, comfort, resources, or even one’s life, for the sake of another, without expecting anything in return. In short, it's called grace. This love is not driven by feelings or convenience but by a deliberate choice to act for the good of others, even when it’s difficult or painful.
It's an attitude of selflessness:
Philippians 2:3-4
"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."
It's about humility:
Mark 10:45
"For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."
It's love that forgives all:
Luke 23:34
And Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." And they cast lots to divide his garments.
And it's a persisting love despite challenges or lack of reciprocal affection.
Romans 5:8
"but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
This love is the hallmark of the Christian identity, distinguishing them as His followers by demonstrating a radical, Christ-like commitment to others that transcends cultural or societal norms. There cannot be any discrimination or distinction between them and still be in Him.
Doing The Right Thing:
Consider how you can prioritize others today. Maybe it’s listening patiently to a coworker, helping a neighbor, or setting aside personal plans to support a friend. Jesus, the Son of Man, came to serve, not to be served. Look for opportunities to serve others humbly today, perhaps a small act like offering encouragement, doing a task without being asked, or simply showing kindness to someone overlooked. And if you really want to please God, do it in secret.
Jesus forgave even those who crucified Him. Is there someone in your life you need to forgive, even if they haven’t asked for it? Holding onto resentment hinders the flow of Christ’s love. Pray for the strength to release any grudges and extend grace, trusting God to heal your heart. Jesus calls us to love others regardless of their response. Think of someone who is difficult to love; maybe they’ve hurt you or don’t reciprocate your care or concern about something. Commit to showing them kindness anyway, through a prayer, a kind word, or a patient attitude. Give them honor as if you were honoring God.
Sometimes it’s easier to lay claim to your faith than to live by it. And likewise, living for Jesus is often harder than dying for him.
John 13:37-38
Peter said to him, "Lord, why can I not follow you now? I will lay down my life for you."
Jesus answered,
"Will you lay down your life for me? Truly, truly, I say to you, the rooster will not crow till you have denied me three times."
Peter found out the hard way just how faithful he truly was. When it became uncomfortable he folded. A little girl caused him to lose his spirit and he denied our Lord publicly. Peter’s story is a humbling mirror. He was sincere in his devotion, ready to lay down his life, yet when faced with pressure, a servant girl’s questioning (John 18:17), he crumbled, denying Jesus three times before the rooster crowed. This contrast highlights that true discipleship is proven not in our words or intentions but in our actions, especially when it’s costly or inconvenient. The sacrificial love Jesus commands in John 13:34-35 requires faithfulness in the mundane, the challenging, and the moments when no one is watching. It's not for show, because if you treat faith in that way, you're going to be called out one day, and you'll fail miserably because you were never truly in love with God, you were probably just in love with an idea.
But it doesn't mean there is no hope for you and your superficial faith. Peter’s failure wasn’t the end; he was restored (John 21:15-19) and became a pillar of the early church. This gives us hope that, even when we falter, God’s grace empowers us to grow and try again. Peter’s failure came from relying on his own strength. When pressure came, he folded because he wasn’t prepared for the cost of loyalty in that moment. To avoid this, stay connected to Jesus through prayer and dependence on the Holy Spirit.
Begin your day asking for humility and strength to live out sacrificial love. Pick one person or situation to focus your sacrificial love on today. Identify a situation where you might face pressure to compromise your faith (staying silent about your beliefs, reacting in anger, or prioritizing self over others). Pray in advance for the courage and wisdom to "do the right thing" in that moment. And at the end of the day, reflect. Journal about it, and pray about your day. Did you prioritize others, serve humbly, forgive, or love persistently? Were there moments when you faltered, like Peter? And then thank God for His grace and ask for His strength and Spirit to help you do better next time.
Living for Jesus is often harder than dying for Him because it requires daily, moment-by-moment faithfulness. As you seek to "do the right thing" today, your sacrificial love will shine as a testimony to the world, showing that you are Christ’s disciple. You’re not alone in this; the Holy Spirit is with you, empowering you to love as Jesus loves.
I know what you're thinking, "but that's not been my experience".
Food for thought:
Jesus taught about this.
Luke 12:53 says,
"They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother…"
In that situation it's truly difficult to imagine this love thing. This tension highlights the cost of discipleship; following Jesus can create conflict, even with those closest to us, when values or beliefs diverge. And in my experience, most of that conflict is born out of a misunderstanding or misinformation. Usually, the problem lies in some rumor or gossip that got most everything wrong but seems to make the rounds anyhow. But down deep in all that stuff lies an underlying problem. There's a predisposition for disliking someone. They represent something unforgivable to the one holding a grudge against them. And from that presumption of wrong, (skepticism) is built a wall or boundaries of division are forged.
When division feels personal and entrenched, the idea of loving like Jesus (John 13:34-35) can seem distant or idealistic. Yet, Jesus’ command to love sacrificially doesn’t waver, even in these situations. The challenge is to lean into His grace to break down those walls, not by forcing reconciliation but by faithfully embodying His love, even when it’s costly or misunderstood.
Try Reframing the Problem:
If rumors or gossip are fueling division (between a father and son for instance), seek to clarify misunderstandings humbly. This might mean having a calm, honest conversation or simply refusing to perpetuate the gossip that was likely not true, or completely honest, in the first place. For example, if someone has misjudged you or another, respond with patience. I fail at this all the time. I need to avoid defensiveness; I need to model Jesus’ humility (Mark 10:45) by listening first, even if I'm in the right. I want to do better, but I fail at that all the time. So, I figure that makes me knowledgeable about holding grudges. I guess it takes a thief.
Grudges often stem from seeing someone as “unforgivable” or representative of something you reject. Ask God to reveal any biases or unforgiveness in your heart. Luke 23:34; Jesus forgiving His crucifiers, shows that no one is beyond grace. At some point you're going to have to face this truth about yourself, if you truly love God and want to serve his command to love as he has loved. Take a small step: pray for the person daily, even if you don’t feel like it, or do something kind (a thoughtful gesture) to challenge your own prejudice.
Intentionally break down those walls and boundaries that you erected in haste and anger. It's about doing the honorable thing, not the prideful thing. Romans 5:8 reminds us that Christ loved us while we were still sinners. Even if the other person doesn’t reciprocate or the tension persists, keep loving in small, faithful ways; through prayer, patience, or refusing to speak ill of them. Recognize that love doesn’t always mean reconciliation, it means honoring God by reflecting His character, regardless of the outcome. So, I've learned to remain silent when I don't want to. I want so much more, I want reconciliation. But I recognize that it's likely not coming, so I resist lashing out, and instead remain silent in that company. At least until the next time there's an unforgivable conflict that rises up again.
We know that "the Holy Spirit is with you," but it may not feel like it in the mess of our conflicts. When love feels impossible, lean on God’s strength, not your own. Peter failed when he relied on himself; his restoration came through God’s grace. Grace is the thing that often seems impossible but is critical to maintaining your faith. If you're not giving and living grace, you are not living in Christ.
John 13:35 says your love will show the world you’re Christ’s disciple. Even in your family tensions, your choice to love sacrificially, despite misunderstandings or grudges, can be a testimony. And conversely, to be unforgiving and to hold onto the divide is to separate yourself from Christ and that also teaches about your relationship with Christ to all who see your unloving unforgiving life.
Clarify your misunderstandings from the position of a genuine desire to resolve issues. Not from vanity, not from anger or pride. Clarity resolves the unending continuum of grudges.
The sun rises and sets and rises again. It's going round and round and seems to be going nowhere. However, nothing is accidental. Likewise, grudges happen, but they are perpetuated by sentiment, perception and perspective. They become what we love. They become how we love and live. And they rise and set and rise again. This highlights how grudges can become a false love, an idol that shapes how we live and love, perpetuating a cycle that feels endless but is not accidental. It's intentional. And this is why love that overcomes conflict must be intentional as well.
You have to want it.
If you don't you've chosen your path.
Grudges thrive because we nurture them, they become "how we love." Counter this by choosing forgiveness, even if the other person doesn’t apologize. Avoid Peter's pitfall, have moral and intellectual courage, face the truth. Have a humble conversation, ask a question to understand their side, and forget the pride.
And then pray about it:
"Lord, help me see this person as You do."
And remember that God does see how you live, love, forgive, and honor others.
He's watching, just like when Jesus saw Peter deny him three times.
No pressure.
Our choices matter, thankfully God’s grace restores us when we falter.