Faith and Love, Not Virginity: Mary’s Virginity? Overrated. Her Faith? That’s the Real Miracle.
Mark 6:3
"Isn’t this the carpenter? Isn’t this Mary’s son and the brother of James, Joseph, Judas and Simon? Aren’t his sisters here with us?" And they took offense at him.
Mary’s ‘Yes’ moves me more than her virginity ever could. But let's dig into this theology and see what we can learn about this.
Catholic and Orthodox traditions often interpret these "brothers" differently, upholding the doctrine of Mary’s perpetual virginity, meaning she remained a virgin throughout her life. They would argue the term "brothers" (Greek: adelphoi) could refer to close relatives, such as cousins, or perhaps stepsiblings from a previous marriage of Joseph. They can't argue that it emphatically refers to that, but they try. And they might be right about that possibility. No one really knows. They can't know for certain what the writer of the gospel intended to say, but they can point to historical figures in the early church who held these beliefs. And so, it really comes down to whether or not you want to trust those people. It's not biblical, it's traditional.
A key verse for reflection might be Matthew 1:25, which says Joseph "knew her not until she had given birth to a son." Some argue the word "until" implies Joseph and Mary had marital relations afterward. And from a purity perspective, it would be absolutely absurd to suggest that Mary would be committing a sin to honor her marriage bed and have sexual relations with Joseph going forward following the birth of Jesus. Meanwhile, others say it simply emphasizes Jesus’ virgin birth without commenting on what happened later.
At any rate what we can learn from this is there has been a debate among the Christians about this for a very long time. And many believe that Mary remained a virgin. Many Even some Protestant scholars believed this.
But what about the early Christians? What did they believe?
The Protoevangelium of James (also called the Gospel of James), written around the mid-2nd century (c. 150 AD) focuses on Mary’s life, her miraculous birth to Joachim and Anna, and her perpetual virginity. It portrays Joseph as an older widower with children from a previous marriage, suggesting that Jesus’ "brothers" were actually stepsiblings. In chapter 9, Joseph is depicted as a guardian chosen by God to protect Mary’s virginity, and in chapter 19, during Jesus’ birth, the narrative emphasizes her continued virginity even after childbirth. Another early non-canonical resource is the Gospel of Peter (late 1st or early 2nd century), reflects the diversity of early Christian storytelling, some of which speculated about Jesus’ family. This reflects the diversity of early Christian storytelling, some of which speculated about Jesus’ family. These writings, if nothing else, can give us a lens into the mind of the early Christian traditions and how they evolved. For instance, Hegesippus (c. 165–175 AD), quoted by Eusebius in Ecclesiastical History (Book III, 11), describes James, "the brother of the Lord," as a leader in the Jerusalem church. Hegesippus suggests James was a close relative, possibly a cousin or stepbrother. Origen (c. 185–254 AD) in his Commentary on Matthew argued that Mary’s perpetual virginity reflected her total consecration to God. Jerome (c. 347–420 AD), in his treatise Against Helvidius, passionately defended the doctrine, asserting that "brothers" meant cousins and that Mary and Joseph lived chastely after Jesus’ birth. These texts aren’t scripture, and their historical reliability varies, some are more theological or legendary than factual. I can say this, based upon James' attitude toward Jesus as depicted in the gospels, he does seem to act like a stepbrother. He doesn't hold Jesus in very high regard until after his conversion.
Four hundred years after the death and resurrection of Jesus, this belief was widespread and was formalized at councils like the Lateran Council of 649, which declared Mary "ever-virgin." For these believers, Mary’s perpetual virginity isn’t just about biology, for them it’s a symbol of her spiritual purity and singular devotion to God’s will. It sets her apart as the Theotokos (God-bearer), a vessel wholly dedicated to Christ.
For me the question immediately becomes, why is this important when considering the birth of our Lord and God Jesus Christ. How could the state of Mary's body and her soul be of any importance in regard to giving birth to the Savior who was begotten in her by the Holy Spirit?
Why Might It Matter?
If Jesus is fully divine and fully human, (which of course I fully believe with all my heart, mind, spirit, and strength) begotten by the Holy Spirit (Luke 1:35), some traditions see Mary’s virginity as a sign of the event’s holiness. Her body, untouched by a human male's sperm, becomes a pure vessel for the divine, emphasizing that Jesus’ origin is wholly from God. And I think at this point in the process, no one argues otherwise. Or so I should say, no followers of Jesus Christ would believe otherwise.
Her soul’s state, her faith and obedience, also plays a role in the minds of those aligned with Marian theology. They point to Luke 1:38, Mary’s "Let it be to me according to your word" as a total surrender to God’s will and thereby her perpetual state of grace. This suggests that others, (that would be me and you), are not surrendering in a way similar to her. She expressed a superior surrender. Which elevates her into the divine. For them, her perpetual virginity could symbolize that ongoing "yes," a life set apart for God’s purposes only, not just a moment in history as the gospel scriptural text itself clearly states.
Does It Matter?
Why fuss over Mary’s physical or spiritual state? The Savior’s power and identity don’t hinge on her perpetual virginity, He is God incarnate regardless. The way I see it, it's unimportant to our relationship with Jesus and especially in regard to our faith. Scripture focuses more on His mission than her status post-birth; passages like John 1:14 ("The Word became flesh" ) and Galatians 4:4 ("born of a woman" ) highlight the fact of the Incarnation, not Mary’s perpetual spiritual or virginal condition. Her role is never elevated beyond blessed birth mother of Jesus in the Holy Scriptures.
If the Holy Spirit’s work is sufficient, as it is for me, (for our God created humanity out of the earth), therefore he is fully able to arrange for the biological life of Jesus no matter the circumstances of Mary's ongoing state. Her perpetual virginity is an added extra layer of tradition rather than a necessity. And it's strange to me because I can't imagine how her having sexual relationships with her husband could have an impact upon our Lord Jesus.
So to answer the question, "does it matter", if the Holy Spirit’s work is sufficient, and it absolutely is, given God’s limitless power to create life from dust (Genesis 2:7) or a virgin’s womb (Luke 1:35), then Mary’s perpetual virginity does feel like an extra layer, an human-added flourish to a divine act that needs no embellishment.
So again, why? Why the necessity beyond the Incarnation?
If Mary’s virginity at Jesus’ conception fulfills the miracle of the Incarnation, why insist on it afterward? As I discussed earlier, the push for Mary’s perpetual virginity emerges after the New Testament, largely in the 2nd century and beyond. For them the reasoning had to do with theological symmetry. Jesus as God incarnate was seen as so holy that Mary’s womb became a sacred space, like the Ark of the Covenant. If it housed God, the logic went, it shouldn’t be "used" for anything else. I wonder what the modern feminists would think about that.
The way I see it, elevating Mary as an ever-virgin makes her a model for nuns and monks. It wasn’t just about her, it was about shaping a Christian identity that valued purity over the mundane, even the God-given mundane of the marriage bed. And as is the tendency, once the idea took root, it snowballed. The Council of Ephesus (431 AD) named Mary Theotokos (God-bearer), amplifying her unique role. By 649 AD, the Lateran Council declared her "ever-virgin", locking it into doctrine for Catholic and Orthodox traditions, guarding against any hint of "ordinary" overshadowing the extraordinary. They wanted to preserve her and honor her as holy and full of grace. And I suppose, in their minds, her living a normal god-ordained marriage loving her husband and bearing other children is somehow a lower form of God's grace.
The way I see it, this "why" isn’t about God needing it, it’s about humans wanting it. God didn’t require Mary to stay virgin for Jesus to be Savior; the Holy Spirit’s work at the Incarnation (Luke 1:35) was enough. I see the perpetual virginity doctrine as reflecting our human tendency to layer meaning onto God’s divine acts. It’s less about Jesus’ birth requiring it and more about us elevating Mary to match our awe at the Incarnation. Apparently, we need it to be this way, or I suppose we'll simply write off Mary as just another woman among the multitudes of apparently graceless mothers of many children.
The Problem with Superhuman Mary
Why perpetual virginity? Not because God needed it, He made Jesus Lord from a virgin’s womb, and that was sufficient. It’s because some, in their wonder, couldn’t let Mary be ordinary after such a miracle. As I see it however, her greatness isn’t in staying a virgin; it’s in her faith that carried our Savior. I'd rather focus on Mary the blessed woman of great faith, not perpetual virginity. You want to know why? Because if she's a person of superior character and grace, beyond the mundane, she's inhuman. She's something we can never hope to emulate. And we certainly can't relate to her. Not in faith, not in grace, not in love and Christian action. In Marian theology she is elevated to superhuman, like something out of a movie about the justice league. When Marian theology, like in some Catholic or Orthodox traditions, lifts her to a near-divine status (think Theotokos on steroids, co-redeemer debates, or sinless perfection), she becomes a divine Justice League superhero.
They make her untouchable. Unreachable. And they thereby push Jesus even further out of our reach. So now Jesus needs his intercessory secretary, his mom, to gather all our prayers together and deliver them to Him. I suppose she has some sort of special cataloging system based upon importance so that Jesus can scan through the multitudes of random prayers and can be more efficient in his mercies.
The way I see it, they elevate her; and this elevation builds a wall between us and Christ. If she’s too perfect, too "other", then Jesus, the Son she bore, He starts to feel like a distant deity who needs a go-between. Mary’s role as intercessor balloons into something almost bureaucratic.
Why then? Why do they need this? Why would they want this? I cannot get beyond these questions. If Jesus is God incarnate, fully accessible (Hebrews 4:16: "Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence" ), why then the middle-woman? Why turn Mary into a prayer-sorting algorithm when John 14:6 has Jesus saying, "I am the way… no one comes to the Father except through me"?
As I see it, Mary doesn’t need to be a superhuman gatekeeper; she’s the faithful woman who said yes (Luke 1:38) and pointed to her Son (John 2:5: "Do whatever he tells you" ). Jesus doesn’t need a secretary, He’s the Savior who hears us directly (1 John 5:14: "If we ask anything according to his will, he hears us" ). This perpetual virginity obsession, and the layers it adds, risks making our faith into a cosmic bureaucracy instead of a relationship with Jesus. But maybe that's the true purpose that answers the "why". Job security.
When Mary’s elevated to an ever-virgin intercessor, sorting prayers like a celestial admin, faith starts feeling like a flowchart, submit your request through the proper channels, and await approval from the top, which is delegated to the Church.
Does that sound like the Jesus of Matthew 11:28 ("Come to me, all who are weary" ) or Hebrews 7:25 (He "always lives to make intercession for them" ). It’s a system, not a Savior.
Marian theology builds on her perpetual virginity, it keeps her as a necessary middle layer, it creates roles that need to be filled; priests, theologians, devotees, spiritual bureaucrats to manage the system. It’s not just about honoring her; it’s about ensuring there’s a Church structure to maintain, a spiritual ladder with rungs to climb. Complexity can be self-perpetuating. Job security.
But where is my heart when it comes to blessed Mary mother of Jesus. My heart is with the real Mary and Jesus. She’s not a job creator or a bureaucratic cog in the Church machine, she’s the faithful woman whose "yes" (Luke 1:38) brought us a Savior we can know directly.
As a man who never had a relationship with his mother, and always longed to have that, even on a spiritual level, I am moved not by her virginity, but by her great faith and devoted love for God. I'm not moved by the many layers of perpetual virginity or cosmic bureaucracy, but by Mary as a real, believing woman. As Mary the mother of Jesus.
This is my "why", the personal thread that ties me to her. Virginity, perpetual or not, feels distant, and abstract to me. But her faith? Her love for God? Those are alive, and tangible for me, something I can feel in my own longing. Mary becomes a mother figure for me, not because she’s superhuman, but because she’s human. Her devotion to God mirrors the connection I've always yearned for. For me, she’s not a sterile icon; she’s a woman who loved God fiercely, trusted Him wholly, and carried Jesus with a heart I can relate to.
In my walk with Jesus, I long to have a devoted heart like hers. I never had a mother’s bond, always wanted it. I would have loved to have shared faith in God with my own mother, but that wasn't possible. So, for me, this whole Marian theological debates separates Mary from me. It puts her at odds with scripture and I won't twist scripture just to suit a narrative.
So, I prefer to keep Mary where God put her. I'll say it again; she’s the faithful woman whose ‘yes’ (Luke 1:38) brought us a Savior I can know. It’s not her virginity that moves me, it’s her faith, her love for God. That’s the Mary I can feel, a Jesus I can touch. No layers, just them.