Projected Unforgiveness: Why We Can’t Receive What We Won’t Give Ourselves
Galatians 4:11-16
"I am afraid I may have labored over you in vain...Have I then become your enemy by telling you the truth?"
In context, Paul has been warning the Galatians against turning back to legalism. But some people make it hard to really be honest, some don't want to hear "the truth", some would rather be told a story than hear about reality. The Galatians were drifting toward the "easy" appeal of legalism; adding rules, rituals, and visible markers (like circumcision) to feel more secure or righteous. And so, we can see again that same timeless spirit that poisons every generation, comforting narratives replace the hard unvarnished truth.
The Galatians weren’t rejecting Paul’s message because it was unclear or unloving; they were drawn to something that felt more secure, more controllable, more immediately affirming. But do they really understand what they're doing? Yes, their temple (priestly) legalism offered visible proofs of righteousness; circumcision, festivals, dietary rules, that could be checked off, measured, and used to signal to everyone who cares to see that they "belong" to the one true church.
It was a story people could tell themselves:
"I’m doing enough; I’m safe."
But was that the gospel of Jesus Christ that Paul shared with them?
The Unvarnished Truth:
Grace alone, by faith alone, strips away that illusion of self-sufficiency. It’s raw vulnerability before God, with no add-ons to bolster our pride. And that can feel threatening to some. Truth-telling pierced their new comfort zone, so the messenger became the problem. It’s a classic dynamic...people don’t always hate the truth itself; they hate the discomfort it brings, and they redirect that onto the one who delivers it. You see it repeatedly in the Old Testament prophets; false prophets speak smooth things, priests rule by their own power, and the people love to have it so. Comforting falsehoods win applause; and the truth gets sidelined.
People will not endure sound teaching, they will always chase after teachers to suit their own passions. They'll turn away from the truth and wander off into myths. It's not that they reject spirituality, on the contrary, they typically grow in spiritual experimentation.
Grace alone by faith alone demands we lay down every crutch of self-justification, standing naked before God in dependence. And that simplicity threatens our pride. It's simple vulnerability is as fragile as our own ability to be of faith, to live out that faith. And so, it's often too much for some to bear, so they prefer the limitations of legalism. Blessings are capped and conditional, and it also regulates the trials. Makes them more manageable and predictable.
Grace alone by faith alone demands we relinquish every self-made crutch; every performance, every checklist, all visible proofs of worth, and simply stand utterly dependent before God. No add-ons to shore up our pride, no predictable metrics to measure our progress or test our security status. It’s raw exposure:
"Here I am, Lord, with nothing but faith in what You’ve done."
That fragility terrifies. Legalism, for all its restrictions, offers a trade-off that feels safer in the short term. It limits blessings, delays grace, or is portioned out based on output, and creates a false impression that you've been blessed because you have earned it.
"If I do X, Y, Z, then God owes me protection/outcome/approval."
Trials then can be framed as consequences of failure to work out ones faith well enough. Most insidiously, in this dynamic, the Father's sovereignty is completely robbed by the child. The child annuls his Father's rights, in effect he emancipates himself from that family. He takes his inheritance and gives it to himself.
The child effectively says, "I won’t trust Your unpredictable fatherly wisdom; I’ll manage my own security."
Many commentators draw on the parable of the prodigal son in this case (Luke 15:11-32). They see a parallel with the son who demaned his inheritance, effectively saying his father was dead to him, and then he squandered it. But in truth, that's less commonplace. What's more often going on is the prodigal son after he "comes to his senses", he returns to his father's home. And his plan is to live as one of his father's servants.
It's his plan, and again under his terms. He's determined to live as a hired servant, earning his place rather than receiving it. It's a subtler, more "respectable" form of self-rule. The drift back to performance and servitude after grace has already been received (The Father ran to meet him).
This reveals the heart issue:
"I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants'".
He rehearses his speech, ready to pitch himself not as a restored son but as a hired hand; someone who earns his keep, pays his way back, and secures a manageable place through labor rather than unearned love.
"I’ll prove my worth through service; I’ll regulate my standing by output."
He never imagines receiving full sonship freely after such failure.
Why?
Because he would never have forgiven himself if he were the father. He projects his own unforgiving standard onto the father. It’s a conditional surrender rooted in self-judgment. He can’t conceive of full, unearned restoration. In his mind, failure of that magnitude disqualifies sonship permanently; the only path forward is probationary labor, incremental repayment, regulated standing. Anything freer would feel unjust, even scandalous.
This is the state of every legalistic religion. Legalism arises precisely when people (or systems) impose their own unforgiving standards onto God. Forgiveness can’t be instantaneous and complete, God must be as severe with sin as we are with ourselves (or others). Sonship (or acceptance) becomes conditional, probationary; regulated by their output, just in case the scandal of unearned restoration destabilizes the moral order they’ve constructed.
It's a timeless error; the older brother of the prodigal, the Pharisees, the Judaizers, and every legalistic system that produces checklists and performance spirituality. All subtly recreating God as an exacting taskmaster mirroring their own self-condemnation.
But the gospel is this: the liberating counter-truth is the Father’s character revealed at the cross. He absorbs the full debt, declares "It is finished," and invites us into unprobationary sonship. No incremental repayment needed. His love isn’t regulated by our failures, it’s defined by His Son’s obedience.
Where might you still be projecting self-judgment onto God; expecting Him to withhold full embrace until you’ve paid enough?
Pray:
Abba, forgive where I’ve measured Your mercy by my unforgiving heart. Where I can’t forgive myself freely, shatter that projection and let me receive Your full, unearned restoration. Teach me to live as a son, not a servant on probation, celebrating grace that feels unjust because it’s so perfectly just in Christ. Amen.